"She took a giant shit on my face...literally."
I've decided that unsolicited relationship advice is the new format of my blog. At least for today.
I'm all about giving humbling advice when it's due—I think it's a good idea to knock people down a few pegs every once in a while. All that high self-esteem stuff they bandied about during elementary school has inflated the aggregate self-esteem beyond a reasonable level. Sometimes it does you good to know that you're completely wrong.
Anyway, back to that "perfect person" stuff. It's not to say people can't be ideal for one another, but I guarantee that you'll never find your "perfect" mate. Never will anyone find someone who is exactly as they imagined all along. You'll always hate something about someone, and they'll never act just like you wish they would. But I, for one, consider that a great thing, because sometimes I find out I don't even know what I actually want. I say all this because it seems that girls are much more likely to think the person they're with is the perfect one (and latch onto him like he's the only lifeboat on a sinking ship), and guys are quite likely to think the person they're with isn't (and search for/act upon other leads at every opportunity).
By now it's probably obvious that I have a knack for unique relationship insight and advice. And if you thought all of the above struck the right chord, then check out these simple dating rules, complete with easy-to-understand metaphors for easy understanding:
Rule 1: Don't date someone you like.
Dating someone you like is like strapping model rocket engines to your roller blades. It sounds awesome, and it is for between 2 and 6 seconds, but in the end you're just setting yourself up for an awesome disaster. You're much better off dating someone you hate. That way, once they get to know the real you and they inevitably find out that they hate you, it's okay because you already hate them too.
Rule 2: Don't date anyone you find attractive.
Dating someone attractive is like buying a Christmas tree on December 23rd. A week goes by, and you've discovered it has no business being in or around your house anymore, but it's so nice looking you can't bring yourself to dump it yet. Pick someone a lot more mediocre-looking for an easier, worry-free break when the time comes to end it. Jimmy Soul knew what was up.
Rule #3: Don't date anyone.
Dating is like being in a stressful situation—it's really stressful. It uses up a lot of valuable time and money, you have to make a lot of compromises, you have to break up, and then you have to relive the whole experience when you recount the story of the breakup to everyone you know. It's an endeavor fraught with dangers and pitfalls. The best idea is to steer clear.
Check back frequently for more insider dating tips and tricks!
I'm all about giving humbling advice when it's due—I think it's a good idea to knock people down a few pegs every once in a while. All that high self-esteem stuff they bandied about during elementary school has inflated the aggregate self-esteem beyond a reasonable level. Sometimes it does you good to know that you're completely wrong.
Anyway, back to that "perfect person" stuff. It's not to say people can't be ideal for one another, but I guarantee that you'll never find your "perfect" mate. Never will anyone find someone who is exactly as they imagined all along. You'll always hate something about someone, and they'll never act just like you wish they would. But I, for one, consider that a great thing, because sometimes I find out I don't even know what I actually want. I say all this because it seems that girls are much more likely to think the person they're with is the perfect one (and latch onto him like he's the only lifeboat on a sinking ship), and guys are quite likely to think the person they're with isn't (and search for/act upon other leads at every opportunity).
By now it's probably obvious that I have a knack for unique relationship insight and advice. And if you thought all of the above struck the right chord, then check out these simple dating rules, complete with easy-to-understand metaphors for easy understanding:
Rule 1: Don't date someone you like.
Dating someone you like is like strapping model rocket engines to your roller blades. It sounds awesome, and it is for between 2 and 6 seconds, but in the end you're just setting yourself up for an awesome disaster. You're much better off dating someone you hate. That way, once they get to know the real you and they inevitably find out that they hate you, it's okay because you already hate them too.
Rule 2: Don't date anyone you find attractive.
Dating someone attractive is like buying a Christmas tree on December 23rd. A week goes by, and you've discovered it has no business being in or around your house anymore, but it's so nice looking you can't bring yourself to dump it yet. Pick someone a lot more mediocre-looking for an easier, worry-free break when the time comes to end it. Jimmy Soul knew what was up.
Rule #3: Don't date anyone.
Dating is like being in a stressful situation—it's really stressful. It uses up a lot of valuable time and money, you have to make a lot of compromises, you have to break up, and then you have to relive the whole experience when you recount the story of the breakup to everyone you know. It's an endeavor fraught with dangers and pitfalls. The best idea is to steer clear.
Check back frequently for more insider dating tips and tricks!
posted by Peter at
10:53 PM
2 Comments:
You're going to have to explain that second link to me, I don't get it.
Also, I love that Jimmy Soul song. Not that I would have known it was by Jimmy Soul, but I know exactly which song you're talking about. My dad always tells me that he followed the moral of that story.
Nice tips. :)
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