Movie Review: Taken

This poster is very representative of the movie as a whole--Liam Neeson's obvious awesomeness is masked by terrible dialogue.

Firstly, this movie gets points for featuring character actor Xander Berkeley, who was the tight guy in Gattaca, but it loses all those points because he didn't do anything or say anything good. It loses points because Famke Janssen didn't look nearly as hot as she did in any of the X-Men movies.

It scores points for starring Liam Neeson, who is pretty badass (and, some might argue, more of a star than Jon Voight). It scores even more points for being an hour and a half of pure, uninterrupted footage of Liam Neeson literally kicking ass and taking names. It scores bonus points for featuring a scene I've long wished to see in more movies (no spoilers here).

In the end, though, it loses points for being one of the most ridiculous movies ever. It was unrealistic to an incredible point, and I'm generous with unrealism. Casting a six-foot-five 22 year old to play 17 was a bad move, writing cringe-worthy dialogue was a bad move, not taking advantage of the obvious fantastical nature of the story to make Liam Neeson even more of a badass was a bad move, and making the whole movie ridiculous was the worst move of all.

After advanced summations, the end result is a score of:

104 points

It's good enough to see, but good enough to spend money on? I dunno. Taking my cue from At the Movies' new rating system, I'm giving Taken a 'Download it.'