Out of Service

My current apartment was, like many apartments, at various points home to several tenants who like to still get mail delivered here. Each month, without fail, I get a small, brown envelope from the Wall Street Journal addressed to some guy who lived here before me. Needless to say, I wasn't surprised to find some mail from the AARP in my box a couple weeks ago.

I was surprised, however, to read my own name through that cool little envelope sneak-preview window. Was this a "Happy Birthday, keep us in mind after about another 40" card? A cheap ploy to get me to sign up my grandparents? As it turns out, they wanted me to sign up! They even included one of those useless and official-looking fake member cards, with my name embossed right there on the front. And it turns out I've been authorized by none other than the CEO himself, Mr. William D. Novelli.



I used to think you were supposed to work before you retired, but apparently they're looking for people straight out of college these days. It seemed like a crazy mix up at first, but maybe the AARP finally got sick of industry snatching up all the young talent and felt like getting active in the recruiting process. And if they want me that bad, I will definitely give their offer some serious consideration.