I'm not sure where they get off calling it "Top Ramen". In most any hierarchical ranking of foodstuffs imaginable, it would surely be at the very bottom. It's not on 'top' of anything—in the great food chain of foods, every other thing you can eat is above it.

Don't even get me started on that leather punch.

Seriously, who's scaling a fish with their Swiss Army knife? If you're planning on fishing and doing the scaling yourself, I'd like to hope you have a more purpose-built fish scaling tool to do the job—not some keychain afterthought. No one invests money in poles, permits, and bait and then leaves the prep to a fold-out scaler/ruler/toothpick/magnifying glass. 'Here, I can scale the fish with this little bit, then gut it with this 1½-inch blade, then we can cook it over these lit matches.' It must be an add-on aimed at the "often finds oneself mired in totally impromptu fish-scaling situations" crowd, which has to be one of the smallest target markets in the history of product selling.

For me, haircuts work in the opposite way that I presume they're supposed to. I walk into the place looking pretty good, and I walk out looking pretty ridiculous, hoping for speedy regrowth so that I can return to looking pretty good as soon as possible. How is this a service that I pay money for? At least the money in question amounts to as little as $8.99, thanks to Great Clips' current "haircut sale", going on now (at least at my neighborhood location). At this point, some of you may be reading "$8.99 haircut" and thinking you've discovered the root of the problem. And you're almost certainly right. But with my system, the worst I ever look is on the walk from the chair back to my apartment. With each shower and each passing day, I look better and better. It's like reverse aging. Or like regular aging in a society filled with women who like older men. So you might say I have all bases covered. And that's certainly worth my nine bucks (plus a generous tip).