Ridiculously Long Movie Review Post

First, let me warn you that this post is really, really long. I usually like to keep my posts short and sweet, but I'll take any opportunity to stick it to the man and his condensed, Madison Avenue, facebook status no-attention-span culture. So suck it up and read some actual words like they used to do in the olden days (and honestly, you'd be better off making it a good book like Survival of the Sickest, not my blog). Also, much of it was written in a sleepless zombie stupor this weekend, so please excuse any mistakes my editing didn't catch.

So anyway, my dad got a new LCD television and special Blu-ray player this past Christmas, and soon thereafter he added on a Netflix rental subscription. Included with the Netflix subscription was access to a library of online video, ready to stream directly to our new Blu-ray player at the press of a button. Honestly, it's really cool.

Even more awesome than that, however, is the fact that with a Netflix account you can also access this library from your computer. Which means that while my parents get their Blu-rays in the mail back at home, I can head to the Netflix website and watch as many titles from their online library as I want, whenever I want.

One of the major caveats here is that they definitely don't have everything in this online library. In fact, the streaming video options are, in a sense, rather limited--and by that I mean they're limited to the kinds of movies your average, middle-American family wouldn't waste a spot in their Netflix queue to see (only folks with the (gives new meaning to) excessive "8 at-a-time" plan would have this luxury). There are some relatively new releases for sure, but what it really means that it's a huge repository of some of the best documentaries, foreign films, television shows, and eclectic/offbeat movies ever made.

These past few weeks I've watched some when I had free time, and thanks to being nearly bedridden with illness this weekend, I was able to run through a ton of them. So here are my reviews, hopefully to entice you to see (or maybe not to see, in one particular case) some of these if you ever get a chance.


A Scanner Darkly - This is yet another good movie based on a novel by Philip K. Dick, which makes me wonder why I haven't actually read anything of his. Robert Downey Jr. is great in this movie. The crazy rotoscope 'animation' makes everything just a little harder to latch on to--it's all so familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, which is spot on. Score: 290 points

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed - A ridiculous documentary, which starts by interviewing scientists who have 'had their careers ruined' because they 'challenged the dogma of Darwinism', and ends with a whole lot about Nazis. As a student of the scientific method and with great interest in evolutionary biology, I always welcome good arguments about anything--the intelligent design crowd has come up with some solid ones before, but this movie is pure nonsense. This movie would seriously be great for playing fallacious argument bingo, but it fails as a presentation of any kind of contention. The most 'evidence' they give against Darwin's theory of evolution by natural selection is that it was a "necessary precursor" to the Nazi's final solution. This doesn't speak at all to veracity, and is as true of Darwin as of the guy who invented trains. I'm waiting for Ben Stein's next movie railing against Stephensonism. Score: 22 points

Jesus Camp - Pentecostal children's pastor Becky Fisher thinks the way to combat Islamic indoctrination of children is to raise an "army of Christian soldiers" here at home, at her evangelical summer camp for kids. She recognizes the parallels between her work and that which she opposes, but insists the difference is that "we've got the truth". Between her and some of these children's parents, it's a spooky but straightforward portrait of what happens when people who lack critical thinking skills get to force-feed children the 'absolute' notions of religious, moral, and political ideals. Score: 395 points

Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room - I knew Enron was a big deal, but I had no idea how much a couple of people really screwed California residents and, for that matter, Gray Davis. Did you know some of the rolling blackouts back in '00-'01 were caused by power plant managers implementing voluntary shutdowns at the request of Enron traders to artificially raise prices in the de-regulated California energy market? Great documentary, you should see this. Score: 452 points

Uncounted: The New Math of American Elections - This is a terrific documentary centered around voter fraud, vote count manipulations, disenfranchisement, and voting machines. One of the best segments features an interview with Clint Curtis, a programmer who wrote a program that allowed for the selective switching of vote counts on touch screen voting machines. There might be a little bias and a little picking and choosing here, but overall this call-to-action film is very well done. Score: 488 points

Noam Chomsky: Rebel Without a Pause - It's a solid survey documentary that provides a nice inside look at one of the most presently oft-quoted men in all of history. Interviews with his wife and colleagues are great, but it jumps around between themes a bit. Overall, a good movie. Score: 276 points

Super High Me - This is comedian Doug Benson's take on 'Super Size Me'--the premise is that he'll stop smoking marijuana for 30 days and then spend 30 days getting high all the time. It falls way short as a resource for any kind of information about medical marijuana, smoking marijuana, or the laws about marijuana. And, for featuring so many great comedians, it wasn't even that funny. I wouldn't see it again. Score: 87 points

No End in Sight - This documentary outlines the failures in Iraq in clear terms and features some incredibly poignant interviews with an impressive cross-section of players. It's biased in that it's based around the failures from the get go, but they're so significant, well documented, and agreed upon by a long list of insiders that you can't help but conclude that it's as lucid and even-handed as can be. You should definitely see this movie. It'll help anyone remember to speak up when in a position of any influence. Seriously, see it. Score: 712 points

Kicking It - I'd never even heard about the "Homeless World Cup", an international soccer tournament for the homeless, until I read the synopsis for this documentary. The filmmakers follow representative players from Ireland, the US, Afghanistan, Russia, Kenya, and Spain, and in doing so draw amazing comparisons between cultures. Horrible title aside: it was great, and is wholeheartedly recommended. Score: 610 points

Diarios de Motociclieta (The Motorcycle Diaries) - I can't believe it took me so long to see this movie. Technically, it's purely terrific: the acting is, for the most part, wonderful, the casting was perfect, editing was noticeably great, it's really funny and as evocative and provocative as one would hope. The pace was alright--I would have liked a little more depth and development in some of the relationships, but I really liked this film. Definitely recommended, but I have to say one thing: it really helps if you know a little Spanish, because some specific words just don't translate perfectly, and picking up on them can make a real difference. Score: 460 points

Die Fälscher (The Counterfeiters) - How could you go wrong with the 2008 Academy Award winner for best foreign language film? It captures the true story of the largest counterfeiting operation ever, inside the Sachsenhausen concentration camp. Another gem, for sure. My only complaint was with soundtrack of harmonica tangos--interesting for sure, but inopportune (for me) at times. Still great, see this too (and I don't know any German (beyond 'Scheiße', which is used a lot), so I can't comment on translation in this one). Score: 404 points

Please Vote For Me - You could have watched this amazing fifty-eight minute documentary about a Chinese 3rd-grade "class monitor" election in the time it took you to read this lengthy post, and you would have actually gotten some really incredible insight. Some of these die-hard Commie kids don't even know what democracy means, and the way in which the three candidates campaign for their classmates' votes is truly unbelievable. From the "debate", which is just a back-and-forth "listing of faults" between opponents, to the behind-the-scenes parental encouragement of bribery and manipulation, this election is cut-throat from beginning to end. The camera crew did a superb job of capturing all facets of the candidates and of the process, and the editing team presented it wonderfully in under an hour. Having worked with (sometimes difficult) children of this age, I have to say two things: first, I was really surprised by some of the comparisons, and second, I can't help but think some of the dialogue was 'elevated' in translation (not to take away from the kids, they're remarkable individuals). If you see one film on this list, see this one. If you like kids, democracy, politics, China, conniving, or monorails, see this movie. It gave me a pretty wild picture of mainland Chinese culture, one that I'll have to look into further before I extrapolate. In terms of movie per unit time (which at first sounds like a velocity analogue, though I'd liken it more to a 'density of goodness'), this is the best there is. If you get the opportunity, see it. Score: 511 points